i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
tell me about the fingering
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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