After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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