I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
