Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
