Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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