Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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