so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
