As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
