remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
