Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
