I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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