Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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