We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
