I am puke
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
a search helicopter?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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