she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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