I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
