Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
