btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
