the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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