haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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