i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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