sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
