I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
