M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I supernannyed him into submission
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
