Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
