STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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