i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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