So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
