Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
