just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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