It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
