dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
