How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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