The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't deserve a penis
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
