He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
