I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
