Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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