You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dear god my vagina.
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