Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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