the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wish my penis had a tongue
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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