In America we eat man semen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
