This is not my ceiling
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
