Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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