Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
