dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
