"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
