Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
