My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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