She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can I color on your dick again?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
