I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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