My friends, they love my intelligence
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
being pregnant is like rehab
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
