I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
