I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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