she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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