I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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