you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize