he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
