And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
