The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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