you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
