No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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