I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
