another moral hangover. fuck.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
