I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
