she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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